Gertrude the Ugly Duckling

Gertrude was a duckling
Who lived on a pond
And every day she marvelled
At the beauty of the swans

They were so shiny white
And so very big
While Gertrude was all blotchy
And thinner than a twig

The swans were all so strong
And swam with such grace
So when a crust was thrown
They always won the race

Gertrude was so humble
She would call all the swans "sir"
And did a little curtsey
Yet they always ignored her

But then one day as Gertrude swam
A voice spoke from the bank
The speaker was all scrawny
And his feathers rank

"’Ere, wot you fink your doin’
Swimmin’ round an’ round
The proper place for birds like us
Is ‘ere on the dry ground"

Gertrude found she was a pigeon
She learned to swear and fight
And when she sees a swan now
She winks and says "alwight?"